Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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