she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
