therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
this is an emotional support booty call
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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