If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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