I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
