I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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