Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
