Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
