i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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