Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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