"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
