I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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