Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
