so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
