Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
