Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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