I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
