i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
