Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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