So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
