just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
