Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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