I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
