It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
