filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
