From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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