Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
