I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
