That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
