wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
