stop calling my apartment porn island.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
