so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
