things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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