My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
