Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
