I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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