I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
