Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
