in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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