Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
