Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
