Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Randomize
