Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
