that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
