im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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