Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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