Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
