If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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