ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
so that wasnt chicken after all
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Can I color on your dick again?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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