So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
