I wish I could teleport
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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