he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
